Open relationships and if they exist

We have been raised to believe a relationship is solely between one man and one woman. These two are expected to be faithful to each other no matter what. But in recent times, discussions about exclusivity in relationships are coming up. What if these two individuals choose to not be exclusive? What if they want to give each other the opportunity to ‘see’ other people and engage those others in a relationship? What if they choose to be in an open relationship?

An open relationship in simple terms is described as where an established couple has mutually agreed to share a non-monogamous lifestyle. This includes either or both parties having other sexual and/or romantic partners. This type of relationship is carried out with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved.

Key points to take home from this is that the agreement is mutual and consent is provided from both parties. One may ask, how can you agree to let your partner be involved with someone else? The agreement stems from the fact that they opted out of exclusivity probably because monogamy is constricting to them. The reasons behind the choices are varied, one known fact is that every couple has its sets rules to the arrangement. Call it their very own Ts and Cs.

Open relationships don’t (usually) mean “open to anyone.” According to Matt Lundquist, a licensed clinical social worker and relationship therapist in New York, “this is an area where open couples can get into trouble.” Before you enter into an open relationship, it’s important to agree on who is fair game to get intimate with; if your terms of the open relationship permit intercourse. Part of the reason for setting some rules is just practical, for instance using protection to reduce your risk of getting, or sharing, an STI.

Once you’ve established boundaries, experts recommend taking the time to dig into the nitty gritty like how much time you’ll each spend on your open-relationship activities.

 

The one golden rule you should follow above all others- like all issues that come up in your relationship, be honest. If one of your open relationship rules is no longer working, revisit it and make some changes.

Some might say the rules and conditions might seem like a job or form of employment and not an actual relationship. But if the partners are up for it, the rules help navigate the situations without anyone getting hurt. Both physically and emotionally.

Open relationships may not be everybody’s cup of tea, but for those who engage in the practice, they have nothing but praise for it.

It is prudent to note that an open relationship can only work is both individuals agree to it. If you want to bring up the suggestion to your partner, don’t be offended if they turn you done, remember, it’s not for everyone. 

Joys of motherhood that nobody talks about

If you’re already a mother, you understand better what being one means. It goes beyond just giving birth.

Parenthood is one of the most important roles an individual gets to play in life. As much as taking care and raising an infant can be practiced by both parents, the intensity of it is mostly felt by mothers.

Motherhood, especially for new mothers, comes with frustration and anxiety triggered by lack of sleep and official sick days.

But despite all that, motherhood offers fulfilling joyous moments that are worth the pain, struggle and sacrifice it demands.

1. Bonding

One of the best times a mother gets to bond completely with her child is during breastfeeding. This is a fulfilling emotional moment that appeals to all mothers. While breastfeeding, a mother gets to give part of herself to her baby. Despite the back pains and nipple soreness, breastfeeding brings the baby closer to the mother who in turn grows to love the mother unconditionally.

2. Emotional experience

In case you have been on an emotional rollercoaster and can’t figure out why, this is because motherhood renders one vulnerable to every spectrum of emotion. A mother gets overwhelmed with different feelings from intense, unconditional love to frustration and sadness, for instance when you’re not getting enough sleep or your child isn’t eating well. A mother is more in tune with her emotions and this makes her more alert and assertive especially when tending to her child.

3. Teaching responsibility

There is nothing that warms a mother’s heart than watching her children learn responsibility be it by loving and caring for one another or doing chores around the house. There’s a sense of accomplishment when you see your child make her own bed, wash a few dishes or even entertain her sibling so she can get things done around the house.

 

4. Fun activities

If you have children of different ages developing games that you can all participate in becomes a fun activity. This assures that no child feels left out and you get to spend time with all of them and watch them have fun. This helps mothers learn their children’s favourite pass times. Playing games together also affords a mother the opportunity to teach her children new lessons like sharing, colours, new words, etc.

5. Developing a mind

A mother has the opportunity to shape a person’s mind. A mother gets to try out lessons and watch how they affect their child. This is a perfect opportunity to instil good qualities in your child and smoothen out the bad ones. As a mother, you are your child’s first teacher.

6. Watching kids be kids

Teaching your child the ways of life is exciting but not as exciting as watching them go through the different stages of childhood, meeting their milestones and develop their personalities. Kids can be thrilling to watch especially during those moments when they discover how to do things on their own. This is something you need to enjoy while it lasts because they grow up so fast and before you know it, they are independent and gone.

7. Emotional healing

If you ask any mother, or parent out there, there’s nothing that brightens up their day than their child’s smile or laughter. The joy of being with them and hanging out will turn any bad day good. Children are a ray of sunshine. Even just listening to a child talk about how they spent their day in school or with other kids in the neighbourhood is a source of relief from the stresses of day to day life.

Motherhood brings a connection insurmountable to any relationship. This is because it’s a love that grows more and more with each new day

Three pillars of a healthy relationship

Most people believe that if a relationship is healthy that everything is easy. The truth is, no matter how good things are going, the best marriages share three things in common:

First, partners in healthy relationships aren’t afraid to share their lives, thoughts, and feelings with one another. This allows them to connect on a deeper level and build trust.

Second, healthy couples know what real love is. It’s deeper than passing puppy love. It’s not simple infatuation. It’s a real display of respect, support, and emotional intimacy.

Finally, those in happy relationships care for one another throughout good times and bad.

If you want success in your marriage, you need to learn how to let go and open yourself to your partner completely. Taking an online marriage course can help you and your spouse to learn actionable steps for building a healthy relationship, at your own pace. 

Here are three simple secrets that will help you build a healthy loving relationship.

1. Love Conquers All

Showing your partner love means showing them loyalty and devotion. It encompasses your desire to put all of your heart, soul, and energy into making the relationship work, even when times get tough.

Show Your Support

Being supportive is part of showing love to your spouse. No matter what they’re going through, they know that you’re there for them to talk to and lean on in times of distress.

Be Forgiving

Part of loving your partner is forgiving them when they are genuinely sorry. This isn’t a weakness but strength. Forgiveness is a virtue.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You can’t have love in a relationship where there isn’t respect. In order to express real love for your spouse, you must be willing to respect their boundaries and beliefs, even if you don’t always agree.

Love, Sex, and Everything in Between

Of course, you can’t talk love without mention of the bedroom.

Sex has been shown to heighte emotional intimacy and reduce stress, physical intimacy does not have to include intercourse in order to have a positive effect on a relationship.

Research shows that physical affection is strongly related to how satisfied a partner is. The more physically affectionate couples are, the happier they will be. Receiving a loving caress, a massage, cuddle, handhold, hug, or kiss on the lips or face have all been shown to improve relationship satisfaction.

2. Showing Your Partner You Care

Caring about your partner is essential to the success of a healthy relationship. Much of caring for your spouse means doing little things like:

Send them a sweet text

Run their errands for them

Express your appreciation for all they do for you

Say I love you

Write a sweet letter for them

Make their favorite dinner

Say please and thank you

Hug each other just to express your affection

Care for your spouse when they are sick

These are all small and sweet ways that you can show your partner that you care for them.

Communication is a huge part of showing your partner you care. Instead of letting a problem fester without saying anything or let an argument get out of hand, you choose to calmly communicate your feelings to one another.

You do not use a disagreement as an excuse to verbally attack your partner or insult their character.

This is a mature and respectful way of resolving conflicts.

Part of communicating and caring involves listening to your spouse. Understanding their point of view, even if you don’t agree, is beneficial at multiple levels.

First, it will help you have empathy for your partner and see things from a different perspective. This will deepen emotional intimacy in relationships.

Second, an understanding spirit will put your spouse at ease and calm down a defensive attitude.

3. Sharing Everything

Everything, you may ask? Yes, everything.

Sharing is caring. This principle is true for life and healthy relationships.

When you marry your spouse, you merge your lives. Being able to share your lives together will be integral to your success.

Whether you buy a marital home together or invite your spouse to move in, you will be sharing space with your partner. To some, getting to see your partner every waking moment sounds like a dream come true. For those who enjoy their alone time, it may take some adjusting.

Research shows that millennials are more likely to discuss money with their partner than past generations. This is wonderful since you’ll be sharing it now that you live together.

Having a shared bank account means deciding on a budget and staying on the same page about money coming in and out. Even if you don’t open a mutual account, you will both still be contributing to the household and splitting finances in a way that is fair and responsible.

Sharing your life with your spouse is the most important aspect of all. Studies show that couples who share friendships report higher relationship satisfaction. Letting your partner in is the key to emotional intimacy in relationships. You aren’t afraid to share your thoughts, feelings of friendships.

Sharing your time is one of the most important tips of all. After a busy work week, all some of us want to do is come home and relax in front of the television. But in order to maintain happy, healthy relationships, couples need to spend intentional quality time together.

Quality time means your spouse gets your undivided attention. Don’t let your partner be one of the 46.3% of adults who feel snubbed by their spouse for checking their phone.

Spending quality time together will help boost communication and strengthen the marital friendship.

Physical and emotional intimacy in relationships plays a huge role in whether our marriages are successful. Couples must show love and support one other. They must communicate and listen. Finally, they should strive to share their lives fully with one another. Only by doing these things will they be rewarded with healthy relationships 

Vaginal discharge: what's this on my underwear?

Everybody releases fluids from their genitals. Women see and smell their vaginal fluids a bit more. How do women know what is normal for their bodies, and how do they know what is not normal?

*Why do bodies make vaginal discharge?*

Women’s bodies have protective ways to keep open areas like vaginas, eyes, and ears safe from infection. Think of eye crust or snot as protective liquids of the eyes and nose. As a defence mechanism for the vagina, discharge is a mix of fluids that keeps the vagina clean. This discharge isn’t urine. Thanks to where women are in their monthly menstrual cycle, discharge colours can range from white to clear and textures can appear thicker or thinner on certain days.

*Vaginal fluids and arousal*

Vaginal fluids also work as a natural lubricant for when women are feeling aroused. The expression of ‘being wet’ refers to vaginal fluids and occurs when a woman’s body is becoming turned on. A thin, clear liquid is made in the vagina to prepare the woman’s body for intercourse, which is normal. Without this natural lubricant, a woman may feel pain when having intercourse because of vaginal friction and dryness.

Our bodies and minds work in mysterious ways so not having this arousal wetness does not mean that there's a problem with your vagina. How much and how often women make this natural fluid varies from day to day and woman to woman. So just in case, keep some water-based lubricant on hand, which you can typically buy at a chemist. Make sure to check the label because a water-based lubricant will dissolve in a woman’s vagina. Other lubricants like butter or Blue Band will not, and that can cause her more pain than pleasure, and cause problems in using condoms.

*Learning about vaginas and their fluids*

It’s important to know what healthy and normal vaginal discharges look and smell like, both when aroused and when not. To do so, women need to understand their own vaginas to easily noticed when something changes. It may seem unpleasant in the beginning but monitoring these fluids is just the same as paying attention to other parts of the body, like with a runny nose needing a tissue.

It’s easiest to start this investigation after finishing a menstrual period. While sitting on the toilet or in a private room, look at your underwear closely. If you aren’t wearing underwear that day, wipe yourself with a toilet paper before peeing and take a look.

The amount of discharge will differ from person to person. Some women have very little, while others need a pad or panty liner on a daily basis. Both are normal. The scent of vaginal discharge will also be unique for each woman, and colours will range from cloudy-white to clear. The texture of the discharge will often be dry, but sometimes it can be thicker and rest on top of the underwear.

The colour and texture will change throughout your menstrual cycle. After wiping in the bathroom (remember: always go front to back, never back to front; your vagina will thank you for it), some vaginal discharge can get on the toilet paper. The amount of discharge can vary throughout the month but is most noticeable around ovulation when the liquid can appear almost like egg whites.

The female body is getting ready to fertilize an egg during ovulation, so discharge is formed in the texture of a natural, thin and clear lubricant that helps sperm travel to the egg. If there was ever a time to get pregnant, look out for this discharge: this will be the time with the highest chances! On the other hand, it can also be helpful in preventing pregnancies in family planning: when you see it, you know that you shouldn’t be having unprotected intercourse. Note that this discharge production does not occur in women who are menopausal, which commonly begins around age 50.

*When vaginal discharge becomes unhealthy*   

But what about when vaginal discharge smells or has a different colour or texture than normal?
While the penis can easily be seen and cleaned, the vagina is inside a woman’s body and is more difficult to monitor its health. The vagina balances its own discharge, temperature, and acidity very carefully. Changes as simple as a new scented body wash could potentially cause abnormal vaginal discharge, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Other causes could be:

Sexually transmitted infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhoeaPregnancyForgotten tamponVaginal infections such as yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis

As compared to normal vaginal discharge, abnormal secretions will smell. Yeast infections smell like bread and the discharge is clumped, thick, and white, according to sexologist Dr Lindsay Doe. In addition to the smell and change in discharge, yeast infections can cause itchiness, discomfort and pain during sexual intercourse. Yeast infections are the second most common type of vaginal infection, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Seek out your doctor if you are experiencing these symptoms for the first time for next steps.

Another common type of vaginal infection is bacterial vaginosis (BV), which has a fishy smell and similar discharge as a yeast infection. ‘Both yeast infections and BV are the results of natural microorganisms in the vagina overflourishing’, says Dr Doe. ‘It doesn’t mean that you are dirty or bad or gross; it just means that something threw off your balance and your system might need help resetting.’

Whether it is a new body wash or a yeast infection, the vagina is a sensitive, well-balanced area. This is why monitoring our vaginal discharge is so important when something goes off from our normal pattern.

*Keeping up with healthy vaginal discharge*

The fluids that come naturally and normally from our vaginas are like a roadmap to our health. If monitored closely, these fluids can tell us if our vaginas are behaving normally if they are sexually aroused, if they are ready to make (or not make) a baby, and if they have been thrown off balance somehow.

If you find yourself needing a routine to monitor your vaginal discharge and vaginal health, consider these prevention tips:

Consider using a non-scented body wash when cleaning your vagina and a lightly scented laundry detergent for your underwear.
 Don’t use vaginal douches or washesas they can throw off the natural balance of your vagina and potentially cause vaginal infections.

 Clean with your genitals with water on the outside and vigorously in the hairline on top. Wash on the sides, in the hair and all the way in the back too. Vaginal discharge can collect in the pubic hair.
 Don’t insert fingers into the vagina or clean the insides of the vagina with soap. Remember vaginal discharge naturally cleans your vagina for you.

 After using the toilet, always wipe front-to-back (from the vagina to the anus). Back-to-front should be avoided, as it can move faecal (poop) matter closer or into the vagina.

 After sexual intercourse, go to the toilet to pee (even if only a little comes out) and wash your genitals on the outside with water (remember: top, sides, hairline, and all the way in the back). Cells from your sexual partner may have entered your body through their genitals, so washing your genitals on the outside after sexual intercourse can reduce the risk of vaginal infections. Remember, the inside of the vagina cleans itself with discharge so no need to wash there.

 Finally and most importantly, know what your vagina looks like by using a hand mirror and know what your normal discharge looks and smells like. It’s your best roadmap to vaginal health.

DEPRESSION

(When There's Nothing To Reject)

I have seen a falcon's tears
When her lord went to forever land.
What will a rejected smile do_
Than frown like a fried puff puff.
How best is mother hen seen_
When her chicken are captives of hawks.
I know the desire of a bleeding soul_
I know why it bleeds beyond beat.

Silence has overpowered the land_
Mighty men are sleep.
Ignited fires are cold
For rejection was the lot all around.
Shall I speak about lover birds_
Whose promises are broken overnight.
Or the broken heart of Judaisky_
Left to wander alone in the zone of love.

No eyes see sorrow and wink_
Not a mouth grin for a lost glory.
All set the heart at rest_
And bones emaciated over work.
Some have cried with mouth ajar
While tears refused to play accomplice.
Many are under the spell of confusion
For the way forward is blank.

Depression!
A disease beneath dying souls
Who wilt see Loneliness and smile
Just like Yaremi in her lonely days.
I am depressed in this depression
For I am not  exempted a soul
In the coven of wearied hood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DON'T DATE A BOY, DATE A MAN

*Understanding who is a boy & implications of dating a boy*

If you have the intention of marrying any time soon, please don't date a boy, date a man.

WHO IS A BOY?

A boy is anyone with a male organ who can't make decisions on his own. Anyone who is not willing to accept the responsibility of his actions and inactions. Anyone who lives in his father's house, eats his mother's food, and is not willing to do anything to change the status quo. A boy is anyone who is of age but can't do anything without consulting his parents, anyone who is remote controlled by his parents. If without your parents, you can do nothing, you are still a boy and shouldn't have any business in dating let alone marriage.

A boy is anyone who can't keep secret, who reveals what ought to be concealed.

A boy is anyone who can't advise you or caution you when you go wrong or do what is not right. A boy is anyone who supports your evil in the name of love.

A boy is anyone who the only language he can speak is sex. Whenever you visit him, he keeps pulling your panties and bra. Everything is sex to boys who lack sense. 

A boy is anyone who though he broke biblical, spiritual, and ethical norms by having sex with you, broadcasts it to his friends thereby committing fornication on one hand and murder on the other hand. Character assassination is equivalent to murder.

A boy is anyone who insists you commit abortion thereby putting your life in possible jeopardy.

A boy is anyone that whenever you are having discussion and you make marriage allusions, he automatically becomes cold.

A boy is anyone who has no plans for his own future let alone of yours. Anyone who can't picture the future and nurture a structure to capture the future. Anyone who discourages you from pursuing your God given dream.

A boy is anyone who roams around instead of engage in a meaningful activity no matter how menial.

A boy is anyone who uses money he doesn't have to buy tramadol and alcohol for strength to sleep with you and gives you the remaining one to buy Postinor 2.

A boy is anyone who puts his ears on ground to hear every gossip about you and changes his attitude towards you without even bothering to investigate and find out the truth.

A boy is anyone who is in a relationship with you and can't still keep his eyes off your female friends. He is on top of a palm  tree and still looking for another palm  tree.

A boy is anyone who borrows money to buy things just to please you. Anyone who lives a fake life, who boasts even with what he can't afford; anyone who can't be his real self in your presence.

A boy is anyone who beats you at any slightest provocation, anyone who lacks self-control, anyone who can't control his emotions, anyone without good sense of judgement, and anyone who harms himself or jeopardizes his career because of a woman.

A boy is anyone who drinks, misbehaves and sees nothing wrong with that.

A boy is any man who comes into your life and you become godless. He gradually drains the fear of God in you. 

A boy is anyone who threatens to kill himself when you are having issues in the  relationship. He may commit suicide in the near future and the society will blame you.

PROBABILITY OF THE WORLD

When a die is threw, the probability of getting a six(6) is uncertain.
When a coin is tossed,  the probability of getting the head or tail is uncertain.
When the cloud mumbles and frown,  the probability of it tears falling is uncertain.
When a woman is six weeks gone,  the probability of giving birth is uncertain.

   *MAYBE WORLD*
The world was delivered of under maybe,
It destruction is under maybe,
Then I call it "the maybe world"

Will I live to see my uncertain event?  maybe,
Will I grow grey hair to see my grandchildren?  maybe,
Will I eat the fruit of my labor? maybe,
Will I be rich by the seam of my pants? maybe,
Will I be rich by cloaks and daggers job? maybe,
Will I die ere morrow? maybe,
If I die,  will I go to the garden of hell or the garden of delight? maybe.